STOKED – Wind Chill

There is a whole lineup offered in the Stoked family of energy drinks. I’m starting off with the Stoked Wind Chill.

The art on the can is awesome. This is the best looking drink I have seen so far in my drinking history. I’m not usually into the whole dragon thing, but for this drink I’ll make an exception. (What’s also cool is that they have a dragonology section on the can. Details are awesome)

The drink it’s self smells like ginger-ale with a slightly orange colour to it. After pouring it into a glass for further inspection the ginger-ale smell disappears and al that is left is a very faint orange smell very much like orange Gatorade.

I really don’t know what to expect from this drink. The can is blue and it’s called Wind Chill… that makes me think this should be minty and refreshing. In reality, the drink is murky yellow and smells of orange… wtf is going on here?

After taking a few gulps of this canned mind f***, I can defiantly taste the orange. It tastes almost exactly like orange gatorade (watered down orange flavor). I also noticed that the back of my throat feels tingly… almost numb. I think I understand why this drink is called Wind Chill now.

This chilling sensation in the back of my throat isn’t uncomfortable. I can notice that it’s there but it’s not bothersome. Reminds me of strong mints.

This drink provides no noticable buzz. It’s possible that im more focused, but nothing special.

Caffeine: 160mg per 473ml
Taste: 3 out of 5
Buzz: 1 out of 5
Verdict:Not bad, but not really worth it either.

Side note: I like caffeine.

Original GURU

As you probably just witnessed in the video above, we got a package from our new friends at GURU (we are friends, right?). That box made me feel like I was 5 years old on christmas morning. I had the biggest smile on my face opening up and admiring all 24 cans of the assorted GURU greatness. It was an amazing day.

Out of all the drinks within that box there is one that truly stood out, the Original GURU Energy Drink. It changed my energy drinking life forever.

Crack open the can and you are greeted with a somewhat familiar smell. The smell reminded me of jumbo sour keys. I was pumped. The drink has a very faint golden colour to it, oddly inviting. It took me a few sips to grasp the flavor: Sweet candy, with some bitterness. Not too bitter mind you. It was perfect. It was very light in my mouth and went down easy.

Most energy drinks carbonate it to the max. Some even past the max. All that carbonation is hard on your throat. GURU is just slightly carbonated. Just enough to make it refreshing.

The all natural ingredients within the GURU energy drinks is a drawing factor. In this day and age where we are constantly pumping crap into our systems (*cough* bk) its nice to have a drink that boosts energy and wont trash your system as much as the other drinks I have had before (I’m looking at you JOLT).

Another notable difference in the GURU line of drinks is the new can size. The new 355mL cans are the perfect size, they are just enough to feel satisfied and not too much to make you need the washroom every 5 minutes.

Shake Test:
This caffeine doesn’t fool around. I expected the average boost in energy, but I wasn’t ready for something like this. Similar to the Full On Lemonade I tested the caffeine hits very hard and keeps going for a longer than average run.

Caffeine: 125mg per 245mL
Taste: 5 out of 5
Buzz: 4 out of 5
Verdict: This is my #1 choice for a drink when I’m craving good taste and an awesome boost in energy.

Side note: I’m spinning in my chair.

A few feature requests…

1. A half can size… Sometimes you only need a taste…

2. More drink flavours based on the green formula…

3. More frequent stocking of Assault. A few droughts last year… Can’t handle that shit.

4. Monster candies. Def gotta have a variety pack.

5. Caffeine free? I love the taste… Tired of feeling like a crusty custy…

Thank you

GURU Full-On Lemonade

First up in our several part GURU special is the all new GURU Full On Lemonade.

Upon opening the can there was a prominent, and welcoming lemonade smell. This caught me off-guard, I expected one of the common harsh energy drink smells to come wafting out. The drink itself is sweet and tangy, but is slightly too concentrated for my liking (similar to every other commercially available lemonade). The downfall to the GURU Full On Lemonade is that it’s not carbonated. Let’s try an experiment:

Carbonate it!

1. Take 1 part GURU Full On Lemonade and mix it with 1 part Schweppes club soda.
2. Mix gently.

Results: The Full On Lemonade has a less concentrated flavor and still retains the signature GURU taste but it now has a refreshing carbonation to it. I like it.

The buzz is not what you expect from a 355ml can. You can feel the effects of the all natural caffeine around the time you are half done the can. The buzz hits harder than any other drink tested this far. Unfortunately every good thing has a downside and the downside to this awesome buzz is a huge crash afterwards.

Shake Test:
Like I said, this natural caffeine is awesome. My hand was shaking Full On. It was interesting trying to use a keyboard properly.

All in all, the GURU Full On Lemonade is at the top of my list for energy drinks. The all natural ingredients and the generous buzz keeps me coming back for more. The drink is much better carbonated but it’s a great drink as-is.

Caffeine: 125mg per 245mL
Taste: 4 out of 5 (4.5 out of 5 carbonated)
Buzz: 4 out of 5
Verdict: Good change from the everyday energy drink, even better carbonated.

Side note: How early is too early to drink an energy drink?

Jolt Cola

One of my friends showed interest in the original Jolt cola, he said it is (and I quote) “the best there is and it tastes JUST GREAT.” Naturally I was skeptical, so I tested it out.

When I wandered into the store I gravitated over to the energy drinks and hunted down the Jolt colas. They weren’t hard to find, they come in a can that resembles a giant battery. I decided to pick up the original (despite the fluorescent “ultra jolt” can they had that was calling my name) and dashed for the checkout. I had my usual caffeine fund ready in my hand to pay for the drink. Little did I know this Jolt was the most expensive energy drink I have ever purchased. I ended up shelling out $5 for this beast (actually it was $5.02… but my convenience store waved the 2 cents for me [yay]). After mourning the loss of my $5 bill I headed back to the office.

I opened the battery shaped can without delay and noticed a slight aroma wafting out of the battery sitting in front of me. It smelled like… cola. It was just regular cola. After inhaling the smell that was filling up my corner of the office I held my breath and took a big drink. Just as I suspected, not only did it smell like cola, but it tastes like it too. It’s just as sweet as Pepsi but tastes flat and slightly watered down.

Speaking Test:
After drinking about three quarters of the Jolt I notice my speech has become more rapid and less understandable. My words began to fuse together to form new words. As cool as making up your own words is, it’s not cool when nobody has any idea what you are saying.

Feeling Test:
My hands felt kinda funny. They felt lighter and had a slight tingling feeling. I also had slightly more trouble focusing in on objects. Nothing bad though.

The caffeine kick was pretty good considering the low caffeine content for the size of can. I’m not the biggest fan of drinks that taste like flat pepsi but the Jolt was not bad, not bad at all.

Caffeine: 140mg per 695mL (kinda low)
Taste: 2.5 out of 5
Buzz: 3 out of 5
Verdict: Tastes like cola, decent boost. It’s a nice change.

Side note: I’m hungry.

Amp Energy

Since my early childhood I have been drinking Mountain Dew. My mother would bring home case after case of the stuff and I would inhale the entire thing in about three days. Sometimes Mountain Dew would replace water in my life; I was truly a die-hard Dew fan (I still sleep in a Dew t-shirt occasionally). Imagine the surprise when I saw a Mountain Dew logo imprinted on an energy drink called Amp Energy. I almost passed out.

Needless to say, I got myself a can of the green Amp and cracked it open. The smell is loosely based on the smell of heaven (Call it heaven 2.0 if you will). The taste is Dew, but slightly sour; It’s a lot like the Warhead candy. The drink causes a slight quiver in my jaw after every drink, but its nothing bad. I actually kinda welcome it.

There was no noticeable buzz manifested but I did feel a little more up-beat.

Mix Test:
I also had a regular Mountain Dew on hand so I decided to test out the mix-ability. Let me tell you, it’s not so good. Drinking the regular right after the Amp is depressing. The regular Dew tasted flat and watered down.

Restless-ness Test:
When I got home I was physically exhausted, but I was unable to fall asleep for a good hour or two. Seems the caffeine was slow to leave my system and was keeping me awake.

All in all, the Amp Energy tastes great and adds a slight boost to your alertness. It’s good for getting you through that last half of the day.

Caffeine: 142mg per 473mL
Taste: 4.5 out of 5
Buzz: 3 out of 5
Verdict: Tastes great, gives a small boost.

Side note: I think I’m about to explode. brb.

Today I have myself a Monster Lo-Carb Energy drink, the one that comes in the blue can. Upon opening the can I am greeted by an unpleasant smell, one that I can’t describe but can promise I don’t want to smell again. After getting over the whiff of who-knows-what, I begin to down this untested drink. At first it has a taste just like the regular Monster drinks (I’ll tell you about these some other time) but has a slight aftertaste of something else, something from my childhood. After 3 or 4 more gulps it hits me: Children’s Grape Dimetapp Syrup. I hated the taste then, and I still hate it now. From that point on the Monster became a chore to drink. Just looking at it made my jaw quiver and holding your nose while swallowing did nothing to prevent the awful aftertaste.

About an hour later the caffeine started to hit me, I hadn’t even finished drinking the bastard yet. After letting the caffeine kick in a little while longer I began to perform my tests:

Hand Test: Holding my hand flat on the table shows no indication that I could be strung out on caffeine but holding in the air shows that my pinky is restless. The caffeine is there and is slightly affecting me, but it’s nothing spectacular.

Speaking Test: As the caffeine continued to kick in I found myself being more talkative and alert. The drink has done its job to a satisfactory level. I am alert and thinking, but how long will it last?

Mix Test: After finishing the blue Monster I cracked open a Monster Assault. The aftertaste of the blue slightly alters the new taste, but not to a degree where the Assault is undrinkable. The mix is tolerable.

It has been nearly 2 hours since I started drinking the Monster Low Carb in the blue can and the caffeine is beginning to wear off. This hasn’t been the shortest run I have had, but it isn’t the longest either. On a good note, after the caffeine has finished rampaging through your system there is no ‘crash’ that users commonly get after a strong surge of energy. The blue Monster brings you back to the ground gently and returns you back to your exhausted state without a scratch… minus that taste left in your mouth.

Caffeine: 134mg per 473mL
Taste: 2 out of 5
Buzz: 3 out of 5
Verdict: Don’t buy

Side note: This drink does things to your bowels you can’t even imagine… or perhaps that was the Burger King I just had.

Full Throttle: Blue Demon

Today I was commissioned as a guinea pig to try out Full Throttle Blue Demon. After my last endeavor with a drink associated with the colour blue I was slightly worried that the taste of wet gym sock would be imprinted onto my tongue once again. But all drinks deserve to be tested regardless of their colour or brand, so I promptly paid for my latest taste excursion and headed back to the office to put it through a series of vigorous tests.

As soon as I got back I was asked if this drink was actually the colour blue, I hadn’t even opened it yet, so without hesitation I popped it open and inspected the drink. It was, in fact, blue; a very faint blue, and the smell was awesome. It smelled sour, not a bad sour, and had a hint of blueberry. I promptly began chugging the drink, it went down easy and left a very faint aftertaste of blue sweet tart. Overall the taste was just as good as the smell.

I waited for the caffeine to affect me.

Then waited some more.

Eventually I got tired of waiting and went to sleep.

It is possible that the Full Throttle drink doesn’t cause a surge of energy and gradually keeps you up and about or it’s also possible that the can is a typo and the 141mg of caffeine really should have read 41mg. I vouch for the typo.

Caffeine: 141mg per 473ml
Taste: 4 out of 5
Buzz: 1 out of 5
Verdict: Makes a good light drink, wont keep you up.

Side note: Smelling the empty can the next day brings on that dirty gym sock taste.