Today I have myself a Monster Lo-Carb Energy drink, the one that comes in the blue can. Upon opening the can I am greeted by an unpleasant smell, one that I can’t describe but can promise I don’t want to smell again. After getting over the whiff of who-knows-what, I begin to down this untested drink. At first it has a taste just like the regular Monster drinks (I’ll tell you about these some other time) but has a slight aftertaste of something else, something from my childhood. After 3 or 4 more gulps it hits me: Children’s Grape Dimetapp Syrup. I hated the taste then, and I still hate it now. From that point on the Monster became a chore to drink. Just looking at it made my jaw quiver and holding your nose while swallowing did nothing to prevent the awful aftertaste.

About an hour later the caffeine started to hit me, I hadn’t even finished drinking the bastard yet. After letting the caffeine kick in a little while longer I began to perform my tests:

Hand Test: Holding my hand flat on the table shows no indication that I could be strung out on caffeine but holding in the air shows that my pinky is restless. The caffeine is there and is slightly affecting me, but it’s nothing spectacular.

Speaking Test: As the caffeine continued to kick in I found myself being more talkative and alert. The drink has done its job to a satisfactory level. I am alert and thinking, but how long will it last?

Mix Test: After finishing the blue Monster I cracked open a Monster Assault. The aftertaste of the blue slightly alters the new taste, but not to a degree where the Assault is undrinkable. The mix is tolerable.

It has been nearly 2 hours since I started drinking the Monster Low Carb in the blue can and the caffeine is beginning to wear off. This hasn’t been the shortest run I have had, but it isn’t the longest either. On a good note, after the caffeine has finished rampaging through your system there is no ‘crash’ that users commonly get after a strong surge of energy. The blue Monster brings you back to the ground gently and returns you back to your exhausted state without a scratch… minus that taste left in your mouth.

Caffeine: 134mg per 473mL
Taste: 2 out of 5
Buzz: 3 out of 5
Verdict: Don’t buy

Side note: This drink does things to your bowels you can’t even imagine… or perhaps that was the Burger King I just had.